Out of the Darkness

To say I’ve fallen off the proverbial bandwagon is the understatement of the year. I haven’t written a post in four and a half months. Writing is the least of my worries though. I haven’t counted a calorie or thought twice about what I’ve eaten and I haven’t worked out… AT.ALL!  The new lifestyle that I had created for myself and worked so hard toward. went down the drain and I haven’t had one iota of motivation to start back up again. I have thought about writing but every time I did, I didn’t know how I could come back here and fess up to throwing away all the progress I’ve made. I’m still not here to say I’m back at it. This blog was my outlet though.

I lost my outlet.

There were people who were inspired by my fitness posts. Or moms who felt like they weren’t alone from mommy-related posts. Or people who liked my recipes. They all lost something too.

It’s time to get it back.

When I wrote my last post, back in September, I was nearing the end of my one-year maternity leave. I had just one month left and knew that I didn’t really have a job to go back to. Legally, although my position didn’t exist anymore, the company had to find something else for me but my department was so unique to the rest of the organization so I knew that nothing else would be in my area of expertise. Aside from this, I also worked an hour, at best, from home and I worked long hours so I knew that wouldn’t be feasible with my baby at home. I would never see him. I couldn’t blog about my job search though because I technically had a company I was supposed to go back to work for. So while I looked for a new job, I had to stay quiet. And so, I stopped blogging.

The new job is really just the tip of the iceberg though. So much has happened in these last four and a half months that I’ve thought of writing about but I felt like I owed some explanation as to my disappearance. That and I had to admit my own disappointment in myself. So, I may go back and tell you about some of these things in the next little while, now that I’ve fessed up.

I have been terrified to stand on the scale. I’m feeling my pants getting tighter and seeing rolls over the tops of them again. I haven’t stood on a scale in months. I thought for sure that I was probably back to where I started from. I stood on the scale this morning.

I must remember this!
Credit: eatmore2weighless.com

It wasn’t as bad as I thought. 146 lbs.  When I wrote my last post back in September, I weighed 143.7.

I’m still too terrified to take my measurements though, which is probably the really bad part.  I’ll probably wait a while before I take them.

When I do get my motivation back, do I start on Day 1 again or do I start where I left off but with my new measurements?

When I donated all of my bigger clothes, I said I was never going to go back there and wouldn’t need those sizes again so something has to give soon.  I have to start eating better and getting some semblance of exercise.  Maybe just the simple act of writing this post will give me that little kick in the pants that I need.  Gosh, who am I kidding?!  Make that a GIANT kick in the pants!

Credit: http://blogs.babycenter.com/tips_and_tricks/8-ways-to-cultivate-a-love-of-failure-in-your-kids/

I’m glad to be back to writing.  Please do send any words of encouragement to get me motivated again.  I definitely need it!

Until next time, which will be soon this time, I promise!